I Don’t Quite Know How to Say It, So I’m Singing It

#VERSE
Black shirt sticking to my skin
City lights on KL streets
Phone at eighty, mind at zero
Somehow I’m still moving on
I was supposed to fall apart
But I found four friends by sunset
Asked for a ride, said what I needed
And nobody made it complex
#PRE-CHORUS
Maybe I was waiting
For someone else to choose me
Maybe I forgot that
I could leave the room freely
Now I’m under neon
With my hair still out of place
Laughing at a bottle
Like it knows my whole damn case
#CHORUS
Bottle lore, bottle lore
Everybody knows a different story
Same word, new floor
Same laugh, different category
I don’t need to explain
Why the joke survived the rain
If you know, you know
If you don’t, let it go
Bottle lore, bottle lore
I’m not who I was before
One night, five lives
I came back strange but alive
#VERSE
Some call it healing
Some call it losing my mind
I call it walking to supper
And not checking who replied
KL looks like therapy
When the lanterns hit the road
I don’t need a prophecy
I just need somewhere to go
I made some friends near the lake
Downloaded some dating app
Told my besties “Plan B first”
And somehow meant all that
#PRE-CHORUS
Maybe I was softer
When I begged for clearer signs
Maybe I’m still tender
But I’m done standing in line
If your silence is a puzzle
I won’t make it my degree
I’ve got 麻辣烫 at midnight
And people waiting up for me
#CHORUS
Bottle lore, bottle lore
Everybody knows a different story
Same word, new floor
Same laugh, different category
I don’t need to explain
Why the joke survived the rain
If you know, you know
If you don’t, let it go
Bottle lore, bottle lore
I’m not who I was before
One night, five lives
I came back strange but alive
#BRIDGE
Schoolyard flipping plastic
College made it weird
Road trip backseat legend
Everybody cheered
Club kids, soft drinks, secrets
Clean on paper, gin in hand
Gym friends saying bring your bottle
Different worlds, same contraband
And I’m laughing in the dark now
Not because it doesn’t hurt
But because I found my body
Underneath somebody’s words
#BRIDGE
I don’t care like I used to
Not in the cold way
In the “I still love myself
When you walk away” way
I don’t chase like I used to
Not with my whole chest
If you want the real me
Come correct, not impressed
#CHORUS
Bottle lore, bottle lore
Everybody knows a different story
Same word, new floor
Same laugh, different category
I don’t need to explain
Why the joke survived the rain
If you know, you know
If you don’t, let it go
Bottle lore, bottle lore
I’m not who I was before
One night, five lives
I came back strange but alive
#OUTRO
Black shirt, city glow
New friends, old road
If you know, you know
If you don’t, let it go
Bottle lore, bottle lore
I came back strange but alive

#VERSE
Grey polo, red sleeves
Green walls, blue tables
Calculator on the paper
Trying hard to look stable
Year eleven weather
Humid after school
Everybody laughing somewhere
I was learning all the rules
#PRE-CHORUS
I didn’t have the language yet
But I had the feeling first
How a room can get too loud
How a smile can cover hurt
#CHORUS
I was fifteen with a camera
Sixteen around the bend
Running laps around the question
Will I ever fit in again
I was young but I was watching
Every face and every door
Year eleven weather
I was already more
#VERSE
I loved the shuttle flying
Even when it missed my hand
Badminton in the echo
Still trying to understand
How to move inside a body
How to laugh when I was wrong
How to keep returning
To the things I wasn’t good at long
#PRE-CHORUS
And maybe that was courage
Not the winning, just the stay
Showing up to something
That embarrassed me anyway
#CHORUS
I was fifteen with a camera
Sixteen around the bend
Running laps around the question
Will I ever fit in again
I was young but I was watching
Every face and every door
Year eleven weather
I was already more
#BRIDGE
I didn’t know the future
Would call this pattern names
I didn’t know the doctor
Would return in another frame
Back then I only asked him
What the mind could do
Nine years later I would sit there
And say, “I think I need help too”
#CHORUS
I was fifteen with a camera
Sixteen around the bend
Not a broken little person
Just a story with loose ends
I was young but I was watching
And I’m kinder than before
Year eleven weather
I was already more
#OUTRO
Grey polo, green wall
Old hall, new name
I was still becoming
I was not to blame

#VERSE
I was fifteen in a college hall
Trying not to look too small
Maple banner by the garden
New timetable on the wall
Old school faces in the crowd
New names I had to learn
Everybody seemed older
I was waiting for October to turn
#PRE-CHORUS
And I walked like I belonged there
Even when I wasn’t sure
Half a kid and half a future
Standing at a classroom door
#CHORUS
Fifteen in college
Too early, too awake
Laughing with the older kids
Learning how much I could take
Fifteen in college
New friends, old shoes
I didn’t know the story yet
But I had nothing left to lose
#VERSE
Someone brought a laptop
Someone made a face
Someone said the teacher’s leaving
So we bought a chocolate cake
Math on the whiteboard
Jokes under fluorescent light
We were young and slightly clueless
But the timing felt so right
#PRE-CHORUS
And I didn’t have the words yet
For the speed inside my chest
I just knew I was alive there
Even when I needed rest
#CHORUS
Fifteen in college
Too early, too awake
Laughing with the older kids
Learning how much I could take
Fifteen in college
New friends, old shoes
I didn’t know the story yet
But I had nothing left to lose
#BRIDGE
Before sixteen
Before the names
Before I knew
How people change
Before the years
Got hard to hold
I was young
But not that old
#CHORUS
Fifteen in college
Too early, too awake
Running through a borrowed season
Making memories by mistake
Fifteen in college
New friends, old truth
I was growing in the hallway
With the whole sky breaking through
#OUTRO
Waiting for October
Walking like I knew
Fifteen in college
Becoming someone new

#VERSE
June came quietly
With papers in my hand
A ceremony, camera flashes
One more place to understand
I was sixteen turning seventeen
But the next door opened wide
While other kids were finishing school
I was choosing university life
#PRE-CHORUS
And I didn’t have the language
For the weight inside my chest
I just knew I kept on moving
Because stopping made no sense
#CHORUS
June certificate
Name under the light
I was younger than the moment
But I made it through the night
June certificate
Goodbye in the frame
I walked out with a future
And a half-remembered name
#VERSE
There were friends in every corner
Some stayed, some disappeared
Some became a photograph
I’d come back to years from here
There were songs and swimming water
Scripts and cameras in my bag
There were campus maps and questions
And a childhood moving fast
#PRE-CHORUS
Maybe I was too early
Maybe I was just on time
Maybe every strange beginning
Was already by design
#CHORUS
June certificate
Name under the light
I was younger than the moment
But I made it through the night
June certificate
Goodbye in the frame
I walked out with a future
And a half-remembered name
#BRIDGE
I want to tell that younger me
You didn’t need to know
Every road before you walked it
Every place before you’d go
You were not behind
You were not too much
You were just a little early
For the world you had to touch
#CHORUS
June certificate
Hold it to the sky
You were scared but you were ready
In a way you can’t deny
June certificate
Close the classroom door
You were sixteen with a future
And you still became much more
#OUTRO
June to July
July to October
You were still young
But the dream moved closer

#VERSE
I almost chose a farther road
Almost packed a bigger dream
But seventeen was standing there
Quietly staring back at me
October came and changed my age
But not the child inside
So I chose a campus close enough
For someone else to drive
#PRE-CHORUS
Everybody said the future
Like it was easy to pronounce
I was learning lecture halls
And how to not completely drown
#CHORUS
Close enough to home
Close enough to breathe
Far enough to start again
But near enough to leave
Close enough to home
I didn’t know it then
I wasn’t scared of growing up
I was scared of no one sending me
#VERSE
Morning roads and traffic lights
Parents waiting near the gate
I walked in like an adult
With a half-packed teenage brain
Friends from other chapters
Some were near and some were gone
One familiar face went distant
And the semester carried on
#PRE-CHORUS
I thought I chose the campus
But maybe fear chose too
Maybe wisdom sometimes sounds like
Don’t go too far too soon
#CHORUS
Close enough to home
Close enough to breathe
Far enough to start again
But near enough to leave
Close enough to home
I didn’t know it then
I wasn’t scared of growing up
I was scared of no one sending me
#BRIDGE
And now I look back softer
At that boy beside the road
He wasn’t weak for needing help
He was carrying more than he showed
First semester, first confusion
First time trying to belong
A young heart in a big campus
Pretending he was strong
#CHORUS
Close enough to home
Close enough to stay
Far enough to meet myself
But near enough to be okay
Close enough to home
That was not a smaller dream
It was how I kept surviving
While becoming me
#OUTRO
October light
March rain
First-year boy
Learning his name

#VERSE
Spaghetti tower on a weighing scale
Hot glue holding up my pride
Thirty-five grams of confidence
And panic on the side
We built a frame from fragile things
Called it engineering
I was also made of fragile things
Pretending I was listening
#PRE-CHORUS
Every line had tension
Every joint could break
Funny how a classroom task
Could look like my mental state
#CHORUS
Spaghetti tower, hold me up
I’m not as solid as I seem
Built from borrowed confidence
And first-semester dreams
Spaghetti tower, don’t collapse
Not before the final grade
I am learning how to stand
From the weakest things I made
#VERSE
Lecture rooms and corridor lights
Calculators, tired eyes
Friends were laughing near the table
I was learning to survive
Somewhere between force and failure
Somewhere between youth and stress
I found out things can still be strong
Even when they look like a mess
#PRE-CHORUS
Maybe I was overthinking
Maybe I was right
Maybe every small construction
Was a metaphor in disguise
#CHORUS
Spaghetti tower, hold me up
I’m not as solid as I seem
Built from borrowed confidence
And first-semester dreams
Spaghetti tower, don’t collapse
Not before the final grade
I am learning how to stand
From the weakest things I made
#BRIDGE
If the glue is ugly
But the structure still survives
Maybe beauty isn’t always
How we measure life
If the frame is crooked
But it carries what it can
Maybe I was not a failure
Maybe I just had to bend
#CHORUS
Spaghetti tower, hold me up
Even if the room laughs too
I was trying to build a future
From what I barely knew
Spaghetti tower, don’t collapse
Or collapse and teach me why
Some designs only become stronger
After they fail the first time
#OUTRO
Thirty-five grams
One small frame
Young engineer
Learning through strain

#VERSE
Green signs, glass bridge
Sunlight on the walkway
First-year faces moving fast
I was learning how to stay
Seventeen in October
New ID around my neck
I had already lived too early
But I wasn’t finished yet
#PRE-CHORUS
The campus had its weather
Bright and heavy all at once
I was smiling in the photos
While becoming someone
#CHORUS
This was the first weather
Of the life I didn’t know
Lecture halls and temple days
Friends that came and friends that closed
This was the first weather
Not a storm, not yet a song
Just the strange warm season
Where I tried to belong
#VERSE
Group photos near the yellow wall
Food courts after class
Someone laughing, someone leaving
Nothing built to last
New Year in a living room
Red bags, camera flash
I was still a family kid
With a university pass
#PRE-CHORUS
And I can see it clearer
Now the years have rearranged
Every ordinary picture
Was a warning and a grace
#CHORUS
This was the first weather
Of the life I didn’t know
Lecture halls and temple days
Friends that came and friends that closed
This was the first weather
Not a storm, not yet a song
Just the strange warm season
Where I tried to belong
#BRIDGE
I didn’t go far away
Maybe that saved me then
I needed roads I recognized
And people who could send me
I was not less brave for staying
I was not less real for fear
I was seventeen and starting
From somewhere safely near
#CHORUS
This was the first weather
Of the road that carried me
Not the grandest beginning
But the one I had to need
This was the first weather
Half a child, half degree
Standing under campus sunlight
Slowly becoming me
#OUTRO
First rain
First road
First year
Close to home

#VERSE
July was loud on the mountain
But my birthday came too late
They had wristbands, lights and music
I had onions on a plate
Couldn’t get past the entrance
Couldn’t fake another year
So I stayed back in the cold air
Cooking love for everyone near
#PRE-CHORUS
And I thought I was missing something
But maybe I was already there
Steam on my glasses
Genting in my hair
#CHORUS
I was seventeen in borrowed weather
Laughing like the night was mine
Friends were dancing somewhere louder
I was learning how to shine
I was outside of the big thing
But inside every memory
July on the mountain
Still kept a place for me
#VERSE
Somebody called from the doorway
Somebody asked if food was done
I was too young for the festival
But old enough to be the one
Who took the photos, held the jackets
Made the jokes that stayed for years
I didn’t need the main stage
I had people I could hear
#PRE-CHORUS
And I thought I was left behind
But the night was kind to me
Not every closed gate
Means you’re not meant to be
#CHORUS
I was seventeen in borrowed weather
Laughing like the night was mine
Friends were dancing somewhere louder
I was learning how to shine
I was outside of the big thing
But inside every memory
July on the mountain
Still kept a place for me
#BRIDGE
I didn’t enter
But I remember
The lights, the cold, the car ride home
I didn’t enter
But I remember
Not feeling all alone
#CHORUS
I was seventeen in borrowed weather
Almost grown but not quite there
Holding all the little moments
Like a camera in the air
I was outside of the big thing
But inside every memory
July on the mountain
Still kept a place for me
#OUTRO
July on the mountain
Still kept a place for me

#VERSE
I took photos like a promise
Like the light would never leave
Every smile had a deadline
Every frame had room to breathe
Sunway mornings, rooftop evenings
Someone laughing out of place
I was hiding in the camera
But still somehow in the frame
#PRE-CHORUS
Click, click, another memory
Save it before it fades
I didn’t know I was collecting
Proof of better days
#CHORUS
This was my peak camera era
Every friend became a scene
Every road and every café
Looked like something from a dream
This was my peak camera era
Before I knew what time could do
I was trying to keep the world
Before the world kept moving through
#VERSE
We had group chats full of nonsense
Plans that changed a thousand times
Someone hungry, someone missing
Someone saying, “Bro, I’m fine”
I was almost fully grown up
But still soft around the truth
Taking pictures of the people
Who were helping me be youth
#PRE-CHORUS
And maybe every photo
Is a small unfinished prayer
Please let this stay gentle
Please let us stay there
#CHORUS
This was my peak camera era
Every friend became a scene
Every road and every café
Looked like something from a dream
This was my peak camera era
Before I knew what time could do
I was trying to keep the world
Before the world kept moving through
#BRIDGE
If I zoom in
I can hear us
If I look back
I can feel us
Not perfect
Not forever
But for one year
We were together
#CHORUS
This was my peak camera era
Light on faces, food on plates
Running late and laughing louder
Turning months to golden days
This was my peak camera era
And I know the years have changed
But somewhere in the old files
We are still the same
#OUTRO
Click, click
Save the light
Click, click
Goodnight

#VERSE
April came with borrowed rides
Waiting downstairs, bag by my side
Someone from the circle said, “Just come”
And somehow I became someone
License card, shaky hands
Learning roads I didn’t plan
Turn by turn, we took the wheel
That was how friendship started feeling real
#PRE-CHORUS
Penang first, then Melaka lights
Badminton courts and late campus nights
We were young but acting grown
Half afraid, half on our own
#CHORUS
Life was a movie before the pause
Before the roads went quiet
Before the world drew lines across
The places we’d been driving
I had a pillow on my knees
Tea shop lights in SS15
One day before everything changed
I still thought tomorrow looked the same
#VERSE
Same old friends from different years
Some stayed close, some disappeared
Old fights waiting in the room
But not every ending had to bloom
Chun and I kept trading seats
Pickup points and passenger dreams
Badminton rackets, tired shoes
Laughing like we had nothing to lose
#PRE-CHORUS
Country shaking on the news
But we still had plans to choose
Then March came in too quietly
And locked the whole damn country
#CHORUS
Life was a movie before the pause
Before the roads went quiet
Before the world drew lines across
The places we’d been driving
I had a pillow on my knees
Tea shop lights in SS15
One day before everything changed
I still thought tomorrow looked the same
#BRIDGE
December, I wore facilitator skin
Trying to guide while growing within
New Year alone, but I was fine
Counting fireworks in my own time
CNY tables, family noise
Last normal year before we lost our voice
Then the garden grew, the kitchen stayed warm
I found little life inside the storm
#VERSE
Plants by the window, camera in hand
Plant-based meals, small quiet plans
May to July, the world half-opened
And old friendship doors were spoken
Interdistrict rules, careful rides
Still we found a way outside
Not freedom yet, but not fully gone
Just two friends trying to move along
#CHORUS
Life was a movie before the pause
Before the streets went silent
Before we learned what distance was
Before goodbye got private
I had a pillow on my knees
Tea shop lights in SS15
One day before everything changed
I still thought tomorrow looked the same
#OUTRO
And maybe that’s why I keep the frame
Not for the pain, not for the blame
Just to remember what I saw
Life was moving before the pause

#INTRO
Green screen year
Camera on
Count me in
I was not gone
#VERSE
By August I was directing
From a room made out of light
Stand Together on the timeline
Voices gathered for the night
I had tabs open like windows
Scripts and names and running cues
Every little moving part
Somehow knew what it should do
And I was there behind the screen
Not just watching anymore
I was calling out the timing
I was opening the door
#PRE-CHORUS
Funny how a quiet kid
Can become the one who leads
When the world becomes a webcam
And the stage becomes a feed
#CHORUS
That was my green screen year
Standing where the lights were clear
Thousands saw the work we made
And I was not afraid
That was my almost-twenty sky
Hands up, camera rolling high
I had no idea the storm was near
I was alive in my green screen year
#VERSE
High school friends came back around
College friends curved back again
Like a line that looked like leaving
But was only learning when
Some apologies were silent
Some were spoken through the days
Some were just familiar laughter
Finding back familiar ways
Dhamma talks with hundreds watching
I was emcee with steady breath
Asking questions, holding space
Not yet haunted by what’s next
#PRE-CHORUS
I had a voice, I had a rhythm
I had things I knew to say
I was growing in the open
In a very online way
#CHORUS
That was my green screen year
Standing where the lights were clear
Thousands saw the work we made
And I was not afraid
That was my almost-twenty sky
Hands up, camera rolling high
I had no idea the storm was near
I was alive in my green screen year
#VERSE
Then came casting for the Cup
Uni mates names inside a file
Bro there beside the process
Turning chaos into style
Studio space and green behind us
Like a portal in the room
I look back now and I whisper
Damn, I really peaked too soon
Not in failure, not in sadness
Just in wonder, just in awe
Because I saw myself becoming
Someone I had never saw
#PRE-CHORUS
And if you told me in that moment
What the next month came to be
I would laugh and keep on working
Thinking, no, that won’t be me
#CHORUS
That was my green screen year
Standing where the lights were clear
Thousands saw the work we made
And I was not afraid
That was my almost-twenty sky
Hands up, camera rolling high
I had no idea the storm was near
I was alive in my green screen year
#BRIDGE
Nineteen turned to twenty
And somehow I had done so much
Hosted talks and built a concert
Held the mic and kept in touch
From small birthdays to big screens
From online class to campus seats
From walking routes to camera crews
From old lost friends to something new
I was not waiting to be rescued
I was not begging to be seen
I was already in the picture
I was already on the screen
Then November waited quietly
Like a shadow past the frame
But this song is not about that
This song remembers who I became
#CHORUS
That was my green screen year
Standing where the lights were clear
Thousands saw the work we made
And I was not afraid
That was my almost-twenty sky
Hands up, camera rolling high
I had no idea the storm was near
I was alive in my green screen year
That was my green screen year
Before the fog, before the fear
Before the five-year empty space
Before I misplaced my own face
But somewhere under all that blur
The old me did not disappear
He was waiting, still sincere
Inside that green screen year
#OUTRO
Camera on
Count me in
Lights are warm
Let it begin

#VERSE
十一月的灯还亮着
我却慢慢看不清了
朋友的名字还在手机里
但语气已经冷了
我不是突然变坏的人
也不是故事里的罪人
只是有人给了我一个名字
我就开始不像本人
#PRE-CHORUS
我想解释
可是舌头像被雨淋湿
我想证明
可是眼神先失去位置
那些话太重
压在我胸口
我还在这里
却像被别人接手
#CHORUS
雾不是我
药不是我
那些失控的沉默
不是我原来的轮廓
我还记得
我曾经快乐
在球场流汗
在夜里唱歌
雾不是我
错的名字不是我
如果你看见我走远了
请相信
我不是故意离开的
#VERSE
十二月的脸变陌生
镜子里少了一点神
我笑得慢了
反应也慢了
像世界把我调成冷
有人说我想太多
有人说我太难懂
可是他们没有听见
我脑里断掉的风
#PRE-CHORUS
我想回来
但回来没有路牌
我想醒来
却被安排继续等待
那些年太长
长到我怀疑
到底是我变了
还是世界没看清
#CHORUS
雾不是我
药不是我
那些失控的沉默
不是我原来的轮廓
我还记得
我曾经快乐
在球场流汗
在夜里唱歌
雾不是我
错的名字不是我
如果你看见我走远了
请相信
我不是故意离开的
#BRIDGE
我没有忘记怎么善良
我没有想过伤害谁
我只是被困在身体里面
看着自己慢慢下坠
如果那时候你害怕我
我现在也会难过
可是请别把那段黑暗
当成我的全部人格
#CHORUS
雾不是我
药不是我
那些破碎的反应
不是我灵魂的颜色
我还记得
我曾经活着
在还没模糊以前
我真的快乐
雾不是我
错的名字不是我
如果有一天我回来了
请记得
我一直都在这里
#OUTRO
我不是雾
我不是错
我不是那几年
留下的轮廓

#VERSE
二十一岁的生日
我记得不完整
灯还亮着
人还在笑
可是我像隔着一层
有人说我变了
有人说我太难懂
我只是坐在自己身体里
听不见自己的风
#PRE-CHORUS
我不是没有爱
我不是故意冷
只是那些日子
把我调成陌生人
#CHORUS
二十一岁的雾
不是我选择的路
我还在呼吸
却不像从前那样清楚
二十一岁的雾
把名字都盖住
如果你那时看见我
请别把那当成全部
#VERSE
十月过得很慢
又好像一下就没了
我学会笑着回答
“我没事，我可以的”
可房间越来越小
心跳越来越重
有人把爱说成控制
有人把痛说成梦
#PRE-CHORUS
我不是不想逃
我只是太模糊
连求救的句子
都像断掉的路
#CHORUS
二十一岁的雾
不是我选择的路
我还在呼吸
却不像从前那样清楚
二十一岁的雾
把名字都盖住
如果你那时看见我
请别把那当成全部
#BRIDGE
后来我才知道
有些混乱不是人格
有些沉默不是答案
是身体被推进错误的河
后来我才明白
我不是那场灾
我只是太年轻
太累
太想活下来
#CHORUS
二十一岁的雾
终于慢慢散开一点
我在废墟里找回
还会发光的眼
二十一岁的雾
没有资格定义我
我只是经过那里
不是永远住在那里
#OUTRO
如果记忆不完整
也请温柔地拼
我不是雾
我只是还没醒

#VERSE
我以为只是累了
睡醒以后会好了
可是早晨越来越远
连自己也变沉默
课还在上
天还会亮
群组还会有人说笑
我却像站在玻璃外
看别人继续热闹
#PRE-CHORUS
有些朋友走了
有些话没说完
有些门关上以后
我才知道我还站在门外
我不是不想追
只是脚步太慢
我不是不在乎
只是心被按下暂停键
#CHORUS
我还没回来
你们先别走开
如果我看起来像变了
那不是我想要的安排
我还没回来
请给我一点时间
我在雾里找名字
找回那个会笑的少年
我还没回来
但我不是不爱
只是有些药
把我带去
我不认识的海
#VERSE
那年我二十岁
却像老了很多年
别人看见脾气
我只看见断线
我曾经那么会跑
那么会笑
那么会把夜晚变成歌
后来连一句普通问候
都像要用尽全身力气说
#PRE-CHORUS
如果你曾经认识我
请别只记得后来
如果你曾经离开我
我也不怪你离开
只是我终于明白
有些痛不是性格
有些混乱不是灵魂
是身体被推向错误的河
#CHORUS
我还没回来
你们先别走开
如果我看起来像变了
那不是我想要的安排
我还没回来
请给我一点时间
我在雾里找名字
找回那个会笑的少年
我还没回来
但我不是不爱
只是有些药
把我带去
我不认识的海
#BRIDGE
有一天我会说清楚
不是为了怪谁
是为了告诉自己
我没有白白破碎
有一天我会走回来
不是旧的模样
但至少我的眼睛
会重新有光
#CHORUS
我终于回来
但不是一夜之间
我从雾里捡起
一片一片的从前
我终于回来
虽然迟了几年
那个会笑的少年
没有死在冬天
我终于回来
不是证明给谁看
是告诉那个二十岁的我
你撑过来了
你没有走散
#OUTRO
如果你听见
请别害怕
我只是终于
慢慢回家

#VERSE
Apparently I rented a villa
Apparently I turned twenty-two
Apparently there were people around me
But I don’t remember the room
The pool lights looked expensive
The photos said I was alive
But somewhere under the surface
I was learning how to hide
#PRE-CHORUS
生日快乐
But the words came slow
Happy birthday
But where did I go
#CHORUS
Villa in the blur
Every smile was out of focus
I was there, I was gone
Nobody could really notice
Villa in the blur
Twenty-two inside the static
If I looked like I was living
Why did breathing feel automatic
#VERSE
Some besties entered softly
Not with fireworks, not with signs
Just small repeated kindness
At the edges of my life
And I couldn’t love them fully
Not the way I can today
But some friendships plant themselves
Before you know they’ll stay
#PRE-CHORUS
我还没回来
But someone left the light
我还没回来
But I survived the night
#CHORUS
Villa in the blur
Every smile was out of focus
I was there, I was gone
Nobody could really notice
Villa in the blur
Twenty-two inside the static
If I looked like I was living
Why did breathing feel automatic
#BRIDGE
Love should not be a locked room
Care should not sound like fear
A hand can hold you gently
Or keep you disappearing here
I don’t blame the younger me
For staying where it hurt
When the mind is under weather
Walaupun sebenarnya bahaya
Langsung tak ada serabut
#CHORUS
Villa in the blur
One day I’ll reclaim the picture
Not as proof that I was fine
But as proof I still existed
Villa in the blur
Twenty-two was not the ending
Somewhere under all that fog
A future me was still defending
#OUTRO
生日快乐
Selamat Hari Jadi
I say it now to him
You were lost for a while
But you still came back in

#VERSE
Aku masuk rumah itu
Macam masuk cerita lama
Ada pintu tapi tak bebas
Ada suara tapi tak sama
Orang kata aku kuat
Orang nampak aku senyum
Tapi malam tahu rahsia
Yang siang tak pernah faham
#PRE-CHORUS
Bukan semua yang peluk
Betul-betul mahu jaga
Bukan semua yang dekat
Takkan jadi luka
#CHORUS
Ini rumah yang bukan rumah
Tempat aku hilang arah
Aku tidur tapi tak rehat
Aku hidup tapi separuh
Ini cinta yang bukan cinta
Kalau takut jadi bahasa
Aku cuba keluar perlahan
Sambil hati masih terluka
#VERSE
Dua puluh satu jadi kabur
Dua puluh dua pun samar
Ada villa, ada gambar
Tapi dalam kepala hambar
Ada kawan datang perlahan
Jadi cahaya kecil-kecil
Aku tak terus percaya
Tapi aku mula rasa stabil
#PRE-CHORUS
Bila dunia jadi sempit
Mereka duduk sebelah
Tak semua penyelamat bising
Ada yang cuma singgah
#CHORUS
Ini rumah yang bukan rumah
Tempat aku hilang arah
Aku tidur tapi tak rehat
Aku hidup tapi separuh
Ini cinta yang bukan cinta
Kalau takut jadi bahasa
Aku cuba keluar perlahan
Sambil hati masih terluka
#BRIDGE
Aku bukan malaikat
Aku bukan mangsa sempurna
Aku pernah tipu diri
Untuk terus bernyawa
Tapi kalau niat itu karma
Biar aku mula jujur
Aku mahu hidup bersih
Walau langkah masih kabur
#CHORUS
Ini rumah yang bukan rumah
Satu hari aku keluar juga
Bukan sebab aku tak sayang
Tapi sebab aku mahu nyawa
Ini cinta yang bukan cinta
Kalau sakit jadi biasa
Aku pilih pulang ke diri
Walau lambat, walau luka
#OUTRO
Rumah yang bukan rumah
Aku tinggalkan perlahan
Bukan dendam
Cuma keselamatan

#VERSE
Phone on three percent
Still replying to everyone
Temple group chat going crazy
Someone lost the mic again
I got edits on my laptop
Half a song and two missed calls
One friend says I work too much
Maybe they’re not wrong at all
Coffee stains on handwritten plans
Deadlines living in my hands
People think I got it figured out
Truth is I just understand the act
And lately
I don’t really hate the silence
I just hate when it gets honest
#PRE-CHORUS
Some nights feel cinematic
Some nights feel like traffic lights
Red green yellow
Still awake at two oh five
#CHORUS
I’m still awake
Still awake
Walking circles round the same mistakes
Still okay
Still okay
Even when my brain won’t slow its pace
I laugh too loud
Think too deep
Post a reel then disappear for weeks
Still the same
Maybe changed
I don’t know these days
#VERSE
People asking what’s the secret
Like I didn’t almost quit
Like success is just aesthetics
Good lighting and confidence
But I remember every version
Twenty nineteen and all that hurt
Now I’m making songs in parking lots
Feeling human in reverse
One says I need a haircut
Another says don’t touch a thing
Everybody got opinions
I just wanna breathe a bit
And honestly
Maybe healing looks boring
Maybe peace is kinda quiet
#PRE-CHORUS
Some nights feel cinematic
Some nights feel like traffic lights
Red green yellow
Still awake at two oh five
#CHORUS
I’m still awake
Still awake
Walking circles round the same mistakes
Still okay
Still okay
Even when my brain won’t slow its pace
I laugh too loud
Think too deep
Post a reel then disappear for weeks
Still the same
Maybe changed
I don’t know these days
#BRIDGE
No grand ending
No big lesson
Just me learning how to sit inside the present
No dramatic revelation
Just enough sleep
And maybe someone waiting
#OUTRO
Phone on one percent
City lights blur again
But for once
I don’t need the noise
To know who I am

#INTRO
I didn’t know
I couldn’t hear
Till the room came back
And the edges cleared
#VERSE
May came in with fire on my skin
I kept breathing through the quiet
Thought the world was sounding thin
But I had no words to describe it
Then November changed the air
Put a curtain on the tone
I still sang the songs I knew
But they didn’t feel like home
#PRE-CHORUS
The cymbals turned to silver dust
The bass forgot its shape
I thought that this was growing up
I thought this was the same
#CHORUS
Then the details came back
Like rain on the window
Like breath in the track
Like light through a headphone
I didn’t know what I had lost
Till the music opened wide
For five long years I lived in fog
Now the sound has room inside
The details came back
The details came back
#VERSE
August let the fever leave
But healing moved so slow
January cut the wire
Still the silence had to go
Seven hours, night by night
Taught my body how to stay
Then one strange three-hour crash
Made the morning sound awake
#PRE-CHORUS
The hi-hats found their little teeth
The piano found its wood
The vocal had a human breath
I heard it like I should
#CHORUS
Then the details came back
Like rain on the window
Like breath in the track
Like light through a headphone
I didn’t know what I had lost
Till the music opened wide
For five long years I lived in fog
Now the sound has room inside
The details came back
The details came back
#BRIDGE
Not a miracle
Not a movie scene
Just a tired brain
Getting clean
Not a brand new soul
Not a perfect start
Just the little sounds
Finding their parts
The reverb in the corner
The air behind the line
The crack inside the chorus
The pulse keeping time
And I cried because it wasn’t loud
It was clear
It was clear
#CHORUS
Then the details came back
Like rain on the window
Like breath in the track
Like light through a headphone
I didn’t know what I had lost
Till the music opened wide
For five long years I lived in fog
Now the sound has room inside
The details came back
And I came back with them
The song had a body
The room had a breath
The details came back
The details came back
#OUTRO
I didn’t know
I couldn’t hear
Till the room came back
And I was here

#VERSE
Everyone around me seems to be getting married
Some people are moving in, starting a new life
Some are choosing curtains, some are changing routines
Some are saying their last goodbyes
Then there’s those at the end of life
Dying, cremated or buried
And here I am in evening traffic
Voice typing words that might save me
Starting my postgraduate life
Starting a master’s while turning twenty-five
Still trying to learn what peace feels like
When I’m not just trying to survive
#PRE-CHORUS
I still live with my family
But that’s normal in my country
I pay some of the bills
Making videos round the Klang Valley
Still, at red lights, I ask quietly
Am I good enough?
Isn’t life supposed to be more tough?
Maybe I only ask
’Cause earlier on, it got really rough
#CHORUS
But I’m not late, I’m alive
I made it back to my own life
I was offline, half-light
Now I’m reading all the road signs
I’m not behind, I’m in time
Twenty-five is still a starting line
All my life was story
Now I’m writing it exact
Catchy, relatable
But my exact life story
Look at that
I’m not late, I’m alive
#VERSE
Twenty-seven months felt like twenty-seven years
Getting beaten up, getting hurt
But that was only one bad chapter
In a whole long season of worse
From twenty-five November, twenty-one
To third of August, twenty-five
I was given wrong labels and wrong pills
Trying to keep my spark alive
And stimulants could light the room
But they never lit me up
Eleven January twenty six, I let go
And slowly started coming free
#PRE-CHORUS
I still live with my family
But that’s normal in my country
I pay some of the bills
Making videos round the Klang Valley
And tonight at eleven twenty-six
June eleven opened its eyes
Six months out of the static
I think I’m finally online
#CHORUS
But I’m not late, I’m alive
I made it back to my own life
I was offline, half-light
Now I’m reading all the road signs
I’m not behind, I’m in time
Twenty-five is still a starting line
All my life was story
Now I’m writing it exact
Catchy, relatable
But my exact life story
Look at that
I’m not late, I’m alive
#BRIDGE
Married friends, new keys
White flowers, old streets
Everybody’s changing
Everybody’s learning how to leave
I used to think becoming
Had to look like something grand
But healing was a traffic jam
And a phone inside my hand
I didn’t lose my twenties
I was under repair
Not gone, not done
Just hard to find in there
Now the city looks cinematic
Now the silence doesn’t bite
I like me better when I’m awake
I like me better in this light
#CHORUS
I’m not late, I’m alive
I made it back to my own life
I was offline, half-light
Now I’m reading all the road signs
I’m not behind, I’m in time
Twenty-five is still a starting line
All my life was story
Now I’m writing it exact
Catchy, relatable
But my exact life story
Look at that
I’m not late, I’m alive
#HOOK
Fully, fully, fully online
I’m on my own side
I’m on my own time
Fully, fully, fully online
I’m on my own side
I’m on my own time
I’m not late, I’m alive
I’m not late, I’m alive

#VERSE
I took a flight out just to breathe
Left my deadlines somewhere over KL city
White shirt, sea breeze, AirPods in
Sunlight made my tired face look pretty
Old wood ceiling, ocean blue
A table by the edge like I was floating
I said, “Okay, maybe this is true”
Maybe peace is quiet when it’s showing
#PRE-CHORUS
I don’t know when I got this heavy
Or when rest became something I had to earn
But the sun touched my face so gently
Like the world said, “boy, it’s your turn”
#CHORUS
Here by the blue, I can hear my heart again
Not so loud, not so scared, not pretending
Sea on silver, sky wide open
All my rushing finally bending
I’ve been everybody’s media team
Temple lights and late-night screens
But today I’m just someone under the sun
Learning it’s easy to be here
When I don’t have to run
#VERSE
Mint in my drink, sweat on the glass
Vegetarian boy on a seafood island
I laugh alone and take one more pic
Solo trip, but the silence isn’t silent
There’s a wheel against my chest
Turning softly while the waves keep glowing
Dhamma in the middle of my mess
Not forcing peace, just slowly knowing
#PRE-CHORUS
Maybe I don’t need a big sign
Maybe healing doesn’t have to look profound
Maybe life is just this shoreline
Me sitting still while the sun goes down
#CHORUS
Here by the blue, I can hear my heart again
Not so loud, not so scared, not pretending
Sea on silver, sky wide open
All my rushing finally bending
I’ve been everybody’s media team
Temple lights and late-night screens
But today I’m just someone under the sun
Learning it’s easy to be here
When I don’t have to run
#BRIDGE
Being alone doesn’t feel so lonely
Not when the sea keeps holding the light
I didn’t run away from my old life
I just needed somewhere soft tonight
And if I go home different
Let it be quiet, not dramatic
No big reveal, no movie scene
Just me feeling okay and meaning it
#CHORUS
Here by the blue, I can hear my heart again
Not performing, not explaining
Sea on silver, sky wide open
All my old storms started fading
I’ve been chasing proof I’m enough
Turning pain into posts and love
But today I’m just someone under the sun
Learning it’s easy to be here
When I don’t have to run
#OUTRO
Sun on my face, salt in the room
I found a little peace by the blue
No need to rush, no need to prove
I came back to myself by the blue

#VERSE
You said we could trade 粽子 tomorrow
Or when I’m free, no rush
Like kindness doesn’t need a reason
Like care doesn’t ask for much
I said I could come the next day
You said, “Don’t make it hard”
“Put yourself first if you need to”
And somehow that went straight to my heart
#PRE-CHORUS
You don’t say too much
But you show up in small ways
A paper bag, a quiet laugh
A softer kind of safe
#CHORUS
When you’re free
Come find me where the day slows down
No need to call it anything
No need to say it out loud
Maybe it’s just kindness
Maybe I’m reading too deep
But some people feel like shelter
Some people feel like sleep
When you’re free
I’ll be there too
Trying not to need an answer
Trying just to be with you
#VERSE
I ordered wrong at lunch today
You could have made me small
But you explained it gently
Like mistakes don’t mean I fall
You said, “Imagine if it happened
With something you can’t eat”
And I saw myself in that moment
Learning empathy through peace
#PRE-CHORUS
You don’t turn care into drama
You don’t make warmth a debt
You just carry what you can carry
And leave me less upset
#CHORUS
When you’re free
Come find me where the day slows down
No need to call it anything
No need to say it out loud
Maybe it’s just kindness
Maybe I’m reading too deep
But some people feel like shelter
Some people feel like sleep
When you’re free
I’ll be there too
Trying not to need an answer
Trying just to be with you
#BRIDGE
Tuesday, you carried things to my car
Thursday, you felt softer than before
Friday, we filmed under ordinary light
And somehow I wanted more
But I won’t rush what isn’t ready
I won’t force what needs to breathe
If this is only friendship
Then let it still be kind to me
#CHORUS
When you’re free
Come find me when the noise dies down
No need to promise forever
No need to figure it out
Maybe it’s just kindness
Maybe it’s something true
But I know I feel lighter
When I’m sitting there with you
When you’re free
When you’re free
I’ll put myself first
And maybe still choose you
#OUTRO
粽子 on the table
Rain outside the door
You said, “Take care of yourself”
And I wanted nothing more

#VERSE
I saw a man with three degrees
Smiling like the future came with keys
Seven years and I’ve got only one to this day
And I laughed like, “Okay, fine, he wins”
I used to measure every scar
By how far ahead the others are
But I was never built to climb
A ladder drawn by someone else’s mind
#PRE-CHORUS
I’ve got temple lights and unpaid songs
Old screenshots proving I was wronged
A calendar that never lets me breathe
And a name I taught the world to read
#CHORUS
I don’t live on other people’s scoreboard
I don’t heal by winning their race
I’ve been lost in ten directions
Still came home with my own name
Maybe I’m not clean and simple
Maybe I’m not easy proof
But I built a life from broken labels
And that is something too
#VERSE
I was the kid who wrote too much
Loved too hard and called it trust
Failed the exam, passed the fight
Stayed awake through half my life
I kept the files, I kept the dates
Kept the music they erased
Kept the Dhamma close to me
When the world misread my need
#PRE-CHORUS
Now I’m learning sleep is holy
Food is medicine, time moves slowly
Some days I still fall apart
But I cool down when I find my heart
#CHORUS
I don’t live on other people’s scoreboard
I don’t heal by winning their race
I’ve been lost in ten directions
Still came home with my own name
Maybe I’m not clean and simple
Maybe I’m not easy proof
But I built a life from broken labels
And that is something too
#HOOK
Something too
Something real
Not a title, not a seal
Something bruised
Something true
I am still becoming proof
#BRIDGE
Aku masih jalan
我还在路上
Not behind, not too late
Just a different kind of strong
If they built a tower
I built a map
If they found the answer
I found my way back
#CHORUS
I don’t live on other people’s scoreboard
I don’t need to win their race
I have survived wrong rooms and wrong names
And still made myself a place
Maybe I’m not clean and simple
Maybe I’m not easy proof
But I built a life from broken labels
And that is something too
#OUTRO
So let them hold their certificates
Let me hold my song
Some people prove they made it
Some of us prove we belong

#VERSE
Sunset sweating, but the breeze feels right
Every roadside sign is pulling my eyes
Used to hide from days this bright
Now the heat bends when you’re near
#PRE-CHORUS
I don’t know when it shifted
But my heart stopped playing safe
#CHORUS
I like me louder in this weather
Windows down, moving much lighter
Neon melts on every corner
Traffic hums like hidden thunder
If this is what hope feels like
I don’t wanna blink and miss it
I don’t need the map to fit
I just wanna move through summer like this
#VERSE
Iced drink sweating, table too small
Don’t even care if we make sense at all
Used to plan my exit ways
Now I kinda wanna stay
#PRE-CHORUS
Maybe it’s the heat
Maybe it’s your smile
#CHORUS
I like me louder in this weather
Windows down, moving much lighter
Neon melts on every corner
Traffic hums like hidden thunder
If this is what hope feels like
I don’t wanna blink and miss it
I don’t need the map to fit
I just wanna move through summer like this
#BRIDGE
If the rain pulls back the light
I’ll still know I felt alive
No regrets, no what-ifs
Just this
#CHORUS
I like me louder in this weather
Hope feels loose, not heavy pressure
Even waiting sounds romantic
Every second lands like magic
If this is what hope feels like
Let it come just as it is
I don’t need promises or lists
I just wanna move through summer like this

#VERSE
Senja berpeluh, angin masih ngam
Tiap papan tanda tarik mataku
Dulu ku elak terang
Kau dekat, panas reda
#PRE-CHORUS
Entah bila berubah
Hati dah tak main selamat
#CHORUS
Ku suka aku lebih lantang
Tingkap turun, langkah ringan
Neon cair di tiap simpang
Dengung trafik, guruh terpendam
Jika harapan begini
Tak nak kelip, nanti lepas
Tak perlu peta pun ngam
Aku nak lalu musim panas ni
#VERSE
Gelas berembun, meja kecil
Tak kisah kalau kita tak logik
Dulu rancang nak keluar
Kini macam nak tinggal
#PRE-CHORUS
Mungkin panas ni
Mungkin senyum kau
#CHORUS
Ku suka aku lebih lantang
Tingkap turun, langkah ringan
Neon cair di tiap simpang
Dengung trafik, guruh terpendam
Jika harapan begini
Tak nak kelip, nanti lepas
Tak perlu peta pun ngam
Aku nak lalu musim panas ni
#BRIDGE
Hujan padam cahaya
Ku tahu aku bernyawa
Tak sesal, tak “kalau”
Ini
#CHORUS
Ku suka aku lebih lantang
Harapan ringan, tak membeban
Tunggu pun bunyi romantik
Tiap detik terasa magik
Jika harapan begini
Biar datang macam ni
Janji, list pun tak perlu
Aku nak lalu musim panas ni

#VERSE
热风流汗，晚风刚刚好
路边的灯，全都在看着我
从前我怕这种亮
靠近你，热也变甜
#PRE-CHORUS
我不知何时换了
可我心忽然不躲
#CHORUS
我在热天会更像自己
车窗放下，心也更轻
霓虹融在每个转角
车声像藏起来的雷
如果希望就这样
我不想一眨眼错过
不需要地图对齐
我只想这样慢慢过夏天
#VERSE
冰饮流汗，桌子太小
也不管我们合不合理
以前总想找出口
现在却想多停留
#PRE-CHORUS
也许是热风
也许是你笑
#CHORUS
我在热天会更像自己
车窗放下，心也更轻
霓虹融在每个转角
车声像藏起来的雷
如果希望就这样
我不想一眨眼错过
不需要地图对齐
我只想这样慢慢过夏天
#BRIDGE
若大雨收回了光
我也知道我活过
不后悔，没如果
就这
#CHORUS
我在热天会更像自己
希望很轻，不再压心
连等待也都像浪漫
每一秒落得像魔法
如果希望就这样
就让它这样靠近
不需要承诺清单
我只想这样慢慢过夏天

#VERSE
熱風流汗，暗風拄拄好
路邊个燈，全部攏咧看著我
以前我驚這款光
靠近你，熱嘛變甜
#PRE-CHORUS
我毋知幾時變了
我心忽然毋閣閃
#CHORUS
熱天我會較親像家己
車窗放落，心嘛較輕
霓虹溶佇每个彎角
車聲親像匿咧个雷
若是希望就按呢
我毋欲眨目就錯過
地圖毋免對甲齊
我只欲按呢慢慢過夏天
#VERSE
冰飲流汗，桌仔傷細
嘛毋管咱合理無合理
以前攏想揣出口
這馬煞想留較久
#PRE-CHORUS
可能是熱風
可能是你笑
#CHORUS
熱天我會較親像家己
車窗放落，心嘛較輕
霓虹溶佇每个彎角
車聲親像匿咧个雷
若是希望就按呢
我毋欲眨目就錯過
地圖毋免對甲齊
我只欲按呢慢慢過夏天
#BRIDGE
若大雨共光收轉
我嘛知影我活過
無後悔，無如果
就按呢
#CHORUS
熱天我會較親像家己
希望真輕，毋閣壓心
連咧等嘛敢若浪漫
每一秒落來親像魔法
若是希望就按呢
就予伊按呢靠近
承諾佮清單攏毋免
我只欲按呢慢慢過夏天

#VERSE
I changed schools, changed rooms, changed the words inside my mouth
Packed a whole life in a backpack, learned to smile and figure out
Which part of me was welcome, which part stayed behind
I got good at reading rooms before I got good at being fine
I sang through borrowed speakers, wrote my name on little screens
Had a temple key, a camera, and impossible dreams
Some years went underwater, some nights lost their sound
But I kept a little melody until it came back around
#PRE-CHORUS
Now I don’t need a smaller story
Just to make it easy on you
I walked out of every version
With a little more truth
#CHORUS
I bring all my lives with me
The kid, the singer, the one who survived
The boy with too much memory
The man who made it out alive
Call me too much, call me right on time
I’m not choosing one tonight
I bring all my lives with me
All my lives, all my lives
#VERSE
I had wrong names on papers, right names on signs
Had to lose a few years just to know which ones were mine
I learned faith in a stairwell, learned love in a car
Learned some people hold you close but won’t tell you what you are
I made websites, made songs, made peace with being seen
Turned a messy little timeline into something clean
And if I’m laughing too loud after all that I’ve been through
Maybe joy is just my body finally telling me the truth
#PRE-CHORUS
Now I don’t need a perfect ending
I just need the lights turned on
Every part I tried to bury
Found the beat and came along
#CHORUS
I bring all my lives with me
The kid, the singer, the one who survived
The boy with too much memory
The man who made it out alive
Call me too much, call me right on time
I’m not choosing one tonight
I bring all my lives with me
All my lives, all my lives
#BRIDGE
I was never just a phase
Never just a bad year
Never just a face
In a cracked-up mirror
I was learning how to stay
I was learning how to leave
I was learning every name
That still belongs to me
All my lives
All my lives
They were never gone
They were waiting for the song
#CHORUS
I bring all my lives with me
The kid, the singer, the one who survived
The boy with too much memory
The man who made it out alive
Call me too much, call me right on time
I’m not choosing one tonight
I bring all my lives with me
All my lives, all my lives
I bring all my lives with me
All my lives, all my lives